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Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Major Lazer » Fri Aug 24, 2018 12:46 pm

Surfing and skateboarding and snowboarding have always been regular outlets for me as well. Great to blow off stress and live in the moment for a few hours, get high on an adrenaline rush, but neither are regularly accessible to me anymore. I just don't have time, the surf is mostly out of reach on a regular basis, and haven't skated enough recently to be able to skate without risking injury. I cant rely on those means anymore nor can I continue to numb myself with alcohol and weed which is very easy to do in this town and fairly accepted. So I have been dabbling in a little bit of meditation which is really fing hard. Its a real a trip.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Howly Wolf » Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:30 pm

Meditation is legit-- the mind doesn't want to recognize itself and will do anything to distract you... frustration, overthinking, cramps, itches, doubt... no bueno. Gotta just watch those thoughts roll in, acknowledge that you're thinking about __ , and return concentration to the breath. The stillness can be excruciating, but can only benefit your surfing too. Then there's the whole unbinding yourself to samsara thing...

Speaking of desire leading to suffering and the inlander dilemma of missing swells (or fresh powder), if I can make time to surf and then for some reason don't pull the trigger, I get DOWN. My goal for this winter is cut through that feedback loop, but having an old truck and a warm bed, makes it easy to convince myself I shouldn't make the trek out of laziness or fear. Then when I inevitably tune into the kook cam and see what a lame decision I made, well... things get pretty bleak until I get to surf again.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Spent » Fri Aug 24, 2018 6:18 pm

I placed a lot of mental/ emotional well being into surfing during my darkest days and I can say that was a big mistake, for me at least.

I had a major meltdown when my kid was about two or so but it had been festering since about age 12. Crippling anxiety where I could not leave the house, waking up in absolute panic, paralyzed by hopelessness in everything from my own mortality to the human condition. Not sure how I held down a job, to be honest.

What helped me will not necessarily help others but basically I spent a year getting real dark, wrestling demons, confronting the harsh truths of human existence. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but without doubt the greatest thing I've ever done. Mediation helped, reading all manner of spiritual texts really helped, lots of death contemplation helped, sharing helped to some extent and the support of my acupuncturist was huge. At one point she told me I was ready for the Gates of Hell and took me there and let me walk through them. She said, to call her anytime shit got crazy. Which it did. But she also told me once I'd been through the Gates of Hell, I wouldn't have to do it again. I firmly believe that. I even put out a zine that documented some of this journey.

My biggest mistake was assuming what helped me would help others. I encouraged others to avoid western psyciatric medication and to tackle shit head on. That was wrong of me. Everyone is different. I no longer have judgements. But these journeys continue to fascinate me and I do like to join people on them when its appropriate. Its some of what I do for a living as a social worker.

it feels weird to talk about this on an internet forum so I'll just end it by saying for those feeling totally hopeless, a positive end to it is totally possible. Of course, I still get real dark from time to time but I'm more comfortable in the dark now. Once I thought being human was a total piss take, a cruel joke. Now, I'm pretty stoked on it all despite the horrible bumps in the road we all have to navigate.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby BOX » Mon Aug 27, 2018 4:14 pm

Glad to hear you were able to make it through to the other side, Spent. Your words give me hope even if I may be taking a slightly different approach to get there :wink:
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Tex » Mon Aug 27, 2018 9:57 pm

I have been doing some mental health counselling over the summer. Just a ton of shit going on, my mom has glioblastoma- think...John McCain, I am trying to raise two teenage boys, think back when you were 12 and 14..., trying to pack up the house I raised these rug rats in and downsize to something more affordable, trying to run a couple business lines for a small consulting firm, think travel 2 weeks per month and then there is the whole mid-life, "what the f@#K is it all for" question I ask myself almost daily.

My last session, my counselor literally told me it will probably get worse before it gets better and I might want to consider medication. I bounced out, probably not going back to her again. Been sober for a while, did meditation and deep prayer for a while but for some reason, I am generally feeling numb as shit, tired as shit, and stressed out to all hell.

Self-care was a new term I learned....surfing is my self-care but I live too freakin far from the beach, being in Asilomar was bitter sweet, knowing that someone gets it like every day there if they wanted to....surfers in the valley have a sadist streak to us.

I was wondering what was up with the Illusion, hope he can pull out and be the wiser, healthier for it. My God daughter checked her self into a mental health facility this June, right after getting home for summer break. She is super open about it and she said it really helped.

Anyway, the more we can get real about mental health, the faster we can remove the stigma.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Spent » Mon Oct 29, 2018 9:14 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaHhIemiGJc

He's back. Made it out. "The gnarliest thing you'll have to do is face yourself."

Got to admit, the last month has been BS all round. Its easy to be Zen and free when shit is going your way, your getting waves, catching grinds, work is OK, family is going well, but how you respond when things go South, that's the real test, ain't it? Obvious really but we need these tests to progress as humans. Deaths, injuries, work stress like never before, and some other tedious life crap... all faced without the usual slash and grind therapy... boo hoo...

Anyway, finally coming out of some shit (nothing heavy in the real scheme of what vast swaths of the planet are suffering) now that my favorite month is just about over ha ha... Hopefully some November surf reports to share...Maybe the cosmos had to even things out for the great Oct I had last year... ?
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Spent » Mon Oct 29, 2018 9:14 pm

BOX wrote:Glad to hear you were able to make it through to the other side, Spent. Your words give me hope even if I may be taking a slightly different approach to get there :wink:



Cheers, man.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Howly Wolf » Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:16 pm

Spent wrote:He's back. Made it out. "The gnarliest thing you'll have to do is face yourself."


Dig how he seems to dissolve into sunlight at the end of the video... High frequency vibes emerging out of darkness. Wishing the best to Hammish and same to you, Spent. Hope you're back to, um, "shredding" asap!

For what it's worth, hurting my back (again) at the beginning of October felt like a worst case scenario. I've had worse injuries this year, but getting sidelined in vacation mode was a definitive low point. Fortunately, the strain mended sufficiently after a few days, but the handicap was enough to inspire a reevaluation of my expectations and approach to surfing, reminding me to appreciate every session for what it is and not get sidetracked with goals or ideas of linear progress. At this point, I'm really just working toward full recovery and in the meantime just feel much more grateful for every opportunity to surf, which is something I didn't know I needed to work on, and yet am so much happier for it. I guess I just mention this because it sucks to miss October pump, but here's hoping November brings some rad and wild sessions and the pits provide unexpected strength or insight needed for the journey.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Tex » Wed Oct 31, 2018 8:37 pm

Ben got to surf Kelly's wave....I am actually stoked for him.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Spent » Mon Nov 12, 2018 3:54 pm

Illusion's House was consumed by the Malibu fires. Unreal... un real... :cry:
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby smithgrind » Tue Nov 13, 2018 6:03 pm

His IG post as he drives to the hotel to break the news to his family is waaay too real. Heavy sh*t.
My heart goes out to all the people who have lost their homes and personal belongings to the fires
in CA, so devastating :(
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Tex » Fri Nov 16, 2018 11:41 am

Man, that is a massive blow....feel terrible for everyone that lost their homes but after following the Illusion for a year now, definitely hits home even harder with his loss.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Howly Wolf » Wed May 01, 2019 4:16 pm

Since this kind of became a thread about mental health, figured it appropriate to mention that Sunny Garcia's reportedly in critical condition at a Portland-area ICU. Apparently, the burden he's carrying became too heavy and he made an attempt on his life. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/30/spor ... tempt.html

Here's hoping he pulls through. Sadly underscores that surfing alone isn't the silver bullet for mental health; it helps of course, but there's so much more to the battle. Hope everyone's doing ok out there in radio land.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Tex » Sun May 05, 2019 10:02 am

Thanks for the heads up Howly....super bummed about Sunny....he is one of my all time fav surfers. I had no idea he spent time in PDX. Hoping he can pull through. I was a first responder to a suicide, guy had put a bullet through his skull. As I was trying to keep his head together, he was still moaning....I wondered how to really help someone that needed to end their life. Very heavy topic. No judgement, can not fathom pain that people experience to the point where then need to pull the plug.
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Re: Ben Gravy Vs Malibu Illusion

Postby Tex » Sat Feb 08, 2020 2:55 pm

Got real time chat in with Malibu Illusion....during his vlog chat today. Sounds like he has been surfing up in SoJdF! Told him to get back up to PDX for a visit.
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