Shaving my nads.
More specifically, being requested to shave the twig and berries.
There is such unfairness involved.
Now before you women become incensed with the inequities implied here, lets take a moment and realize that the trimming of the dingle-berries and the trimming of the mouser are on complete different latitudes of efficiency and comfort.
I do not have a mouser, however I have played my part in trimming my share of them down to a fine landing strip.
First off the mouser is surrounded by flat, smooth, unwrinkled skin. It lends itself to the unyielding flatness of a good blade.
the sack on the other hand is obtuse, oblong, squishy, wrinkled, and looks like a dried pear. These features are not conducive to a comfortable and safe meeting with a straight edge of a razor.
The mouser provides an easy to read, and defined area of shaving.
the sack provides nothing but challenges.
where does one stop shaving? the chode? what about the hair from the thighs that blends into that of the base region of the scrote?
To shave a mouser you take a nice hot bath, and calmly wander a razor around the smooth flat surface.
to shave the scrote you take a hot shower, get out the fuking scissors, trim away the best you can while pubes fall all over your floor. You then lather that bitch up and get the Bic ready.
the shaft goes easy enough, though you have to be really careful, a lot of blood and thin skin mixed with the straight edge against the curve can be a dangerous mix. Let's not forget the veins that stick out as well. Which brings me to another point, you cannot effectively shave the shaft while flaccid, it has to be erect or at least semi erect which of course can lead to other disasters like:
1) The veins becoming more defined and getting in the way of the razors edge.
2) Your significant other walking in on you stroking the beast to life with some shaving gel and then trying to explain what you are doing in this horrible mess of a Gillette nightmare with shaving cream all over your nads, shaft, hand, counter and floor with gnarls of bright red pubes stuck to you like a hairy mitt.
3) As in my case after applying the lather to your Johnson and bringing it to life you have about 30 seconds to shave before you realize that "wow...this stuff feels kind of good" and get sidetracked.
If somehow you manage to get the shaft shaved with minimal damage you then have to crane over your torso, shift your hips outward and grab hold of that patch of God's elbow skin and stretch it out as flat as you can.
you will need three razors at a minimum as the coarse pubes will dull the blade and plug it up like a turkey on thanksgiving day.
By the way, the scrote is NOT smooth skin. It is dimpled like a golf ball, or two, and full of treacherous wrinkles.
So you stretch and shave and stretch and shave. Then you gotta reach over your fat belly and trim that chode back to so that you have a smooth flow.
Now you are standing there with pubes stuck to shaving cream all over you, the counter, the sink, and the floor, your twig and berries all "smooth" and bleeding from nicks and pocks.
So you attempt to wash it all off in the sink and all this does in stream the flora and fauna down your hairy thighs and onto the floor.
So you get back in the shower again.
Afterward you get dressed or whatever.
But the very next day this crap starts itching so bad.
And ladies, guys do not feel sexy with shaved nuts. They feel stupid. The only thing uglier than a hairy sack is a hairless one.
So now you are in line at the store or the bank and are attempting to deal with the itchiness and really come off looking like you got a bad case of the crabs instead.
And the real pisser is, I don't like having my nads touched, fondled, caressed or paid attention to in any way shape or form. Years of loose boxers or no underwear at all have left them desensitized to anything that you women foolishly think that men give a crap about.
So now I am left with a itchy package that looks like a rabid band of mosquitoes had a crack party on and I am not even getting into the in-grown hair part.
All of this for what?
What do I get out of it?
Save for the batch I run while lathering up Junior before impaling him with a cheese shredder.
Your electric car runs on coal. Think about it....