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When a parent starts the dying process

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When a parent starts the dying process

Postby Tex » Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:01 pm

So my mom is dying...she got diagnosed with glioblastoma last spring---same cancer that got Senator John McCain. The shit is aggressive as hell. They found a tumor the size of a small lime in her brain. The got 95% of it out and 7 months later it came back and is now even bigger.

The tumor is creating this zen like calm and peace for my mom- plus no pain. Really, if you got to choose a way to go out, this might be the way to go. Toughest part is that she is only 76....and was in really good shape health wise except for the tumor.

She hangs out around the house, pretty chill and she started hospice yesterday. I am lucky because I do not have any unfinished business with my mom and we have a super strong relationship. I am lucky I got so many months to start processing the idea of her dying.

Now we are trying to figure out the details/logistics of her actual death. She wants a wake, wants her body to stay in the house for a couple days and then get cremated and have the ashes spread around her property on Buck Mountain on Orcas Island.

Just thought I would throw it out here....see if anyone has already taken a ride on this train.

Thanks,

Tex
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Re: When a parent starts the dying process

Postby BOX » Mon Jan 14, 2019 1:53 pm

Hey, Tex. Thanks for sharing. As guys it’s sometimes hard to open up about these things, so good on you for reaching out. Even though this is the “Things that Don’t Matter” forum, it’s a reminder that there are things out there that do matter and for a lot us family supersedes all else, even surfing.

I haven’t been in the position you are in, but I’ve had scares with both of my parents. My mother had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer (in remission ~ 8 years now) and about 2 years ago my father had a staph infection come on so strong and quickly they didn’t think he’d make it (he miraculously did). I did have a lot of unfinished business with my father at the time and I’m still trying to close the respective gaps in my relationships with both my parents. You give me another reminder that I need to focus some more on healing those old wounds as both are in their 70s as well and, while they are both currently healthy and active, time is quietly passing.

It sounds as if your mom has a sense of serenity and acceptance, which I hope will lessen both of your pain in the time to come. Sounds like she has a great plan for her remains. I’m sure nothing will be easy, but hopefully the time to plan, make arrangements, and give family a chance to say goodbye will help. Hang in there, my friend. You have my support.

Wishing you much strength in the days ahead - BOX
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Re: When a parent starts the dying process

Postby Tex » Thu Jan 17, 2019 10:55 pm

BOX- appreciate the hell out of your note. Means a lot man. Taking my wife and sons up to Orcas this weekend for a final farewell....heavy heavy shit.
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Re: When a parent starts the dying process

Postby Howly Wolf » Fri Jan 18, 2019 12:26 pm

Best to you and your family, Tex. My dad passed away when I was younger, but it was more of a sudden thing, so I don't really have any sage advice that applies to your situation. Your post and the context of the OSP, reminded me of good old days body surfing and sponging with my old man and it occurred to me that my personal relationship to the ocean really stems from his influence and the experiences he shared with me when I was younger. With that in mind, my perspective is that the loss of a parent really brings home how they have shaped you and by extension, the impact you will have on your own children. Do the best you can to pass along the stoke, whether it's surfing or motocross or jazz dance or whatever-- that really is the ultimate legacy and even if their interests diverge from yours, there will surely be some overlap based on your influence. Also, take time for you to process all the feelings and be present with yourself-- I hear Short Sands is a good place for that :wink:

Also, there's an organization up on the Oly P called Monster and Sea. I don't know too much about them, but you can find them on the Gram. My impression is that they're a crew of wave riders who do outreach work with watermen (and women) battling cancer. One of their main events is a 24 hour surf marathon session to raise money or generate support for individuals facing the void. Maybe look into them when you have time & space-- the guy who runs it seems to share your aloha spirit. They're motto is "go because you can" which is damn good advice, especially for us working stiffs living in the valley.

Rooting for you, dude. Hang in there.
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Re: When a parent starts the dying process

Postby Howly Wolf » Fri Jan 18, 2019 3:24 pm

Here's their website:

https://monsterandsea.com/
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