The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage
man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your
wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news,
some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear
first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news
first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the
good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up she had 12 twenty-five
pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded , "If that's the good news, what's the
great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow!"
Joke Of The Day
Moderator: Tex
by thurgood jenkins » Fri Mar 03, 2006 10:21 am
Y???
So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
Stewie Griffin
Stewie Griffin
-
thurgood jenkins - flotsam
- Posts: 2627
- Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:45 am
- Location: Richmond British Columbia
by brdsurf » Sat Mar 04, 2006 3:36 pm
How do you castrate a guy from (anywhere really but being fromSouth County) Tillamook?
Kick his sister in the chin!
How does a guy from Tillamook initiate foreplay?
Hey sis you up?
Kick his sister in the chin!
How does a guy from Tillamook initiate foreplay?
Hey sis you up?
"I have to overcome that safety mechanism that wants to rise up in me and to keep me from doing something that could kill me."
"Everything’s okay until it isn’t."
"Everything’s okay until it isn’t."
-
brdsurf - straight.......like a boomerang
- Posts: 1318
- Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 1:52 pm
- Location: Searching for the secrets of the Gspot Massage
by finger » Mon Mar 13, 2006 10:50 am
The American Navy found they had too many officers and decided to
offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who
volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured
in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer
got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the
top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet
and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He
walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief
who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From
the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the
pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the
nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old
Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the
measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer
arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The
medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed,
"Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."
offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who
volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured
in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer
got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the
top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet
and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He
walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief
who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From
the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the
pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the
nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old
Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the
measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer
arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The
medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed,
"Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."
Surfing builds characters
-
finger - Yay, I know the OSP fight song!
- Posts: 294
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 8:07 am
- Location: over here
by ChrisMassy99 » Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:12 pm
How do you get a drummer off your doorstep?
Pay for the pizza...
Pay for the pizza...
-
ChrisMassy99 - I wax the bottom of my board
- Posts: 109
- Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 11:55 am
- Location: beach
by thurgood jenkins » Mon Mar 13, 2006 5:21 pm
Nice.
I think I posted this one earlier but....
How many skaters does it take to change a light bulb?
1 but it takes him 1000 tries.
I think I posted this one earlier but....
How many skaters does it take to change a light bulb?
1 but it takes him 1000 tries.
So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
Stewie Griffin
Stewie Griffin
-
thurgood jenkins - flotsam
- Posts: 2627
- Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:45 am
- Location: Richmond British Columbia
by Search and Destroy » Fri Mar 17, 2006 9:01 am
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.
Don't worry about that", says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams..
"Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
I can't do this", says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that!"
Don't worry about that", says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams..
"Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
I can't do this", says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that!"
"LIVE FREE" Die In "PEACE"
-
Search and Destroy - have I shown you the swing room?
- Posts: 419
- Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:13 pm
- Location: The Coast
by Wilbur Kookmeyer » Fri Mar 17, 2006 9:46 am
Dolly Pardon and Princess Di are standing at the gates to Heaven.
St. Pete steps up and says, "Sorry ladies, there is only room for one of you in Heaven. I will listen to arguments now please."
Dolly steps up and says, "I am Dolly Pardon! Look at what i am bringing to Heaven!" She rips open her blouse and lets the puppies see seome sun.
St. Pete: "Very impressive......Lady Di? do you have a counter?"
Princess Di takes a bottle of Champagne out from her bag, shakes it up, pops teh cork, and immediately stuffs it in her twinkie.
The champagne gushes all over the place for 3 mintues.
St. Pete: "Lady Di, welcome to heaven".
Dolly: "What the...? why does she get to go for something that lame?"
St. Pete: "No matter how nice your pair is, a Royal Flush will beat it every time."
St. Pete steps up and says, "Sorry ladies, there is only room for one of you in Heaven. I will listen to arguments now please."
Dolly steps up and says, "I am Dolly Pardon! Look at what i am bringing to Heaven!" She rips open her blouse and lets the puppies see seome sun.
St. Pete: "Very impressive......Lady Di? do you have a counter?"
Princess Di takes a bottle of Champagne out from her bag, shakes it up, pops teh cork, and immediately stuffs it in her twinkie.
The champagne gushes all over the place for 3 mintues.
St. Pete: "Lady Di, welcome to heaven".
Dolly: "What the...? why does she get to go for something that lame?"
St. Pete: "No matter how nice your pair is, a Royal Flush will beat it every time."
Your electric car runs on coal. Think about it....
-
Wilbur Kookmeyer - full of bull kelp.
- Posts: 9393
- Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 11:04 am
Return to Things That Don't Matter (What the OSP is really about)
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests
The team
Delete all board cookies• All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]Powered by phpBB© 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group