Joke Of The Day

[nm]

A perfect example of why a Flat Tax will never work.

[Wilbur Kookmeyer]

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the street.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Sincerely,

Very Distraught Husband

[pra_ggresion]

So a these two Canadians were camping and after some time of just watching the fire they get bored.

Canadian#1: Wanna play twenty questions
Canadian#2: Yeah sure. Can you eat it?
Canadian#1: You betchya:
Canadian#2: Is it moose cock?
Canadian#1: Your turn.

[gills]

Brobra, it's right here.

[Wilbur Kookmeyer]

One for Gaz...

Two boys in Boston were playing baseball when one of them was attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. The dog had already locked his jaws on the boy's legs. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off of a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog's collar and twisted it, breaking the dog's neck.

A newspaper reporter from the Boston Herald witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline, "Brave Boston Red Sox Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal."

"But I'm not a Boston Red Sox fan," the little hero interjected.

"Sorry" replied the reporter. "But since we're in Boston , I just assumed you were."

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began again, "John Kerry Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack."

"But I'm not a John Kerry fan ei ther," the boy protested.

The reporter replied, "I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Red Sox, John Kerry, or Ted Kennedy. What team or person do you like?''

"Well, I'm a Texas Ranger fan, and I really like President Bush," the boy answered.

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began yet again: "Arrogant Little Republican Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet.

[nm]

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.

The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."

[rveesurfdawg]

What do you get when you cross a jewish person and a black person.



A Janitor who thinks he owns the building.





Sorry, So sorry if I offended anyone.
I'm not a racists I swear.

[rveesurfdawg]

No I am a sexist.

[Gazsurf]

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him. He looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound lef ttesticle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The white dude faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and
brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch dick, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown? ... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,turn around!"

[brdsurf]

Hahaa, sweet Gaz. Havent laughed today yet. Needed that humor.

Learned the other day in class that the first black man in modern times (yeah, like from written times till now so whats that, many hundred years?) was here in the middle 1950s for the Olympics. Wasnt until many years later the first came to live. Why did I have to choose to come to a place that has the highest idigenous population in the western hemi? Even white guys get hated against! Good thing the language is coming along.

[tail first drop]

Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on...



The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table

because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."



The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything

inside them is color coded."



The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;

everything inside them is in alphabetical order."



The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers.

Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the

end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."



But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all

wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no

heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the @ss are

interchangeable."

[Gazsurf]

was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,"pretending to eat them.

Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

[Gazsurf]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

[Gazsurf]

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

[Elguapo]

The Invisible Man walks into his doctors office. Nurse pages the doctor and says "The Invisible Man is here for his appointment". Doc says, "Tell him I can't see him today."


What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.


Guy is in a doctor's office for a check up. Guy says "Hey doc, you're writing my prescription with a thermometer." Doc says, "shite. Some a-hole's got my pen."