Joke Of The Day

[SoyAvenger]

an old man went to a resort for his 85th birthday. his friends all chip in to get him a hooker. she shows up at his room and tells him, "i'm here to give you super sex." the old man thinks a bit and says, "i'll take the soup, ma'am..."

why does a chicken coop have two doors?

if it had four, it'd be a chicken sedan.

[MMA Guy]

Great, now I have to hit the gym to work off your bad jokes.

[SoyAvenger]

lets be honest, you were hittin the gym anyway

[Gazsurf]

lets be honest, you were hittin the gym anyway

He walks into the door at the gym, does that count??

[SoyAvenger]

whats the best thing about twenty nine year old girls?

theres twenty of them!

[SoyAvenger]

what do you call a comatose homosexual?

a full serving of fruit and vegetables!


whats the difference between michael jackson and a grocery bag?

ones white, plastic, and poses a danger to children, and the others a grocery bag! (RIP Jacko)

[SoyAvenger]

a priest, a rabbi and a minister walk passed a playground, the minister says "hey, lets go screw one of those little girls." the priest says "good idea, lets screw one of those little boys, too!" the rabbi turns to them and says, "screw 'em outta what?"

[bluesilver]

Ferrah Faucett (sp?) died and went to heaven.
God siad he would grant her one wish.
After careful thought she says "I wish for all the children in the world to be safe."

And god killed Michael Jackson.

[Snow2Sea]

Nice!

[Dano]

Ferrah Faucett (sp?) died and went to heaven.
God siad he would grant her one wish.
After careful thought she says "I wish for all the children in the world to be safe."

And god killed Michael Jackson.

since you went there...

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson & Disney films ?..... Disney films can still touch children

Due to the fact that Michael was 99% plastic he will be melted down into Lego blocks so that liitle kids can play with him for a change

Michael Jackson did manage to whisper a brief message to paramedics on his way to hospital..."Put me on the children's ward".

Jockeys at tomorrows horse race in Del Mar will wear black armbands out of respect for Jacko who successfully rode more 3 year olds than anyone in living memory

It has been announced that micheal jacksons death was not caused by cardiac arrest. He died of food poisoning, he ate 12 year old nuts.

what a coincidence that Farah Fawcett & Michael Jackson died on the same day. One got involved with Majors and t'other with minors!!

did you know its not true that michael jackson died of a heart attack- because he was in the childrens ward having a stroke!

Mixed reports of Michael Jacksons death are coming In. 50 kids have volunteered to identify his body as they have had 1s hand experience of seeing him stiff!

what is the difference between grocery bags and Michael Jackson? One is plastic and not safe for kids to play with, and the other is a grocery bag

[bluesilver]

those are grosser than mine.

[Hermgruf]

deleting all my posts.

[SoyAvenger]

some ahole lawyers driving to his vacation home and stops for gas in some podunk hick town, the station attendant sees him pull up and says "dang-o! what kinda car is that?" the lawyer looks down his nose and says, "audi" the attendant says "ya, howdy, now what kinda car is that?"

four college students are driving back from tj after spring break, an oregonian, an idahoan, a wisconsinean, and a californian. suddenly the idahoan in the passenger seat grabs a bag of potatoes and throws them out the window. the others stare in confusion, "theres too many of those in my state, im not bringin another back!" the wisconsinean says, "i like the way you think," and chucks a wheel of cheese out the drivers window. the oregonian says, "i like the way you think," reaches across the californian, opens the door, and kicks him out.

[SoyAvenger]

if you have a bad cough, eat a handful of laxatives before bed, in the morning you'll be too afraid to cough

[Gazsurf]

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. It was a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out 'My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!'

The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman calls out, 'Hey! You!!! Are you Jesus?' The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. Yes, Iam Jesus' he says. The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him 'I'd like you togive Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me.' So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, 'Errr, excuse me Sir but would you beJ esus?' Jesus smiles and says, 'Yes, I am Jesus.' The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus This the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.

Then the Australian calls out, 'Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?' Jesus nods and says, 'Yes, I am Jesus.' The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over Pot of Victoria Bitter for Jesus, this he accepts with pleasure.

Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. Oh God, the arthritis is gone,' he says. 'The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen inshock. By Jove', he exclaims, 'The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It s a Miracle!'

Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on his face. The Aussie whispers.'Piss off mate, I'm on Workers Comp'