Best/Worst drinking stories

[bluesilver]

Well it's that time of year again when you either:

1)Drink a little bit more than normal to help us relax at obnoxious family gatherings.
2)Drink more because everyone else is.
3)Drink a lot more because your company is paying for it and you're "That guy" at company parties.
4)Drinking just as much as usual and think it's awesome that more people are willing to join you around this time of year.
5)Still drinking alone, maybe more.

Anyone have any good stories related to drinking? I have a few, but here's one from last holiday season.

Boss was leaving to take the lead at a Texas location so we decided to go to a bar, as a company, and wish him well as we drank and said our goodbyes.

15 people, 3 hours and a $3,000 bar tab later (90% hard A..shot after shot..) it was time for me to leave. Thank sweet jesus my wife was sober.
Boss pulls me away before I leave and gives me a 5 minute speech about whatever he was talking about and 2 more shots.

I don't remember anything after that, but it was only about 5 or 6 PM when we left and I woke up very confused the next morning.
I had bruises all over my body, cuts and blood, mud stuck in places it should not have been and a sneaking suspision that I had drank too much.

After getting out of bed stiff and sore and noticing my body imprint indicating I hadn't moved all night I see the pants I'd worn the day before. Torn, dirty and covered in urine. Interestingly I was still wearing the same peair of underwear... Thanks Honey.

A recap with the wife went like this:
"You passed out the second you got into the car and when we got home I did not wake you. I left you in the car and went inside for 5 minutes to use the bathroom and when I got back you were gone. Completely dissapeared. I walked blocks, looked around every corner, behind houses, in bushes... you had somehow magically dissapeared. About a half hour later I took another peek out the front door and you were just standing there, bloody, cut, bruised and covered in leaves. You had a big knot on your forehead where you had probably fallen and hit it. You also had your zipper down and there was piss running down your leg. I think you must have tried to pee somewhere and forgot what you were doing.
So I led you to the bedroom, took off your pants and put you to bed."

I still have no idea what happened, where I'd gone or what I did. I'm just lucky I didn't do anything to get hit by a car or shot. I can only imagine what the scene would have been like if i'd walked into a McDonald's or something.

I don't plan on this ever happening again. Cheers and happy holidays to everyone here anyways. Even those here who may have harsh feelings towards me, you all entertain me to no end.

[Friend Of The Hawk]

Drinkin beer and smokin pot....
Like pissin in the wind....

[Wilbur Kookmeyer]

I was in the Bering Sea, any good story should begin with those words.
I was working aboard the MV Omnisea, and we were currently steaming north, having left Dutch Harbor behind us.

This stretch is notorious for storms, even in the Summer, which I would witness first hand later in the season.

Having negotiated the trade of 2 Playboy magazines for three kilos of Ikura and 3 bottles of Scotch from a Japanese freighter that we offloaded to several days earlier, a task that was almost as treacherous as the consumption of the potent liquids ended up being.

Several day earlier, our vessel, with her belly full and sitting deep, had hooked up with this Japanese flagged freighter some several nautical miles the other side of the islands.

We worked during the fading daylight to offload to this vessel one pallet at a time. We used an on-board crane to lift pallets from the belly, out the hatch, and over to the freighter.

The load would have to swing about in the windy conditions and meander slowly about 30 yards off starbird to reach the other vessel, where it was lowered, unhooked, and returned for another.

Earlier in the afternoon I had stood at the rail motioning to a couple of crew members on the other ship, attempting to communicate that we had intentions to trade. They caught on to what we had in mind once I produced the glossy material. Even form the distance between the vessels they knew what we had to trade, and it was evident that a trade would be in the offering for the evening.

About two thirds of the way through the offload we had drawn straws to see who would take the carnival ride over to the freighter and finish negotiating the deal.

I drew the short straw and soon found myself swinging in the dark wind, clinging tightly to a squeaky wooden pallet, several yards off the rail, 10's of feet above certain icy death, swinging, toward the Japanese freighter.

Once aboard, we got to work hashing out the details of our deal. My Japanese cohorts worked quickly and nervously to produce their first offer of 2 kilos of Ikura, and one fifth of Scotch. I fanned the banned goods in front of them and tapped once upon the Ikura, and twice upon the Scotch.

One of the men nervously spoke to the other and tapped on his hard hat pointing in the direction of their bridge.

I came to the conclusion that they did not have any time to waste, and the rest of the scotch and Ikura was produced in short order.

Now back aboard my squeaky pallet, I found myself unable to hold on with the death grip that I was afforded on my earlier journey as I now held the traded booty in my frozen grasp.

Obviously I survived the experience and though I never pondered whether the would be pirates aboard the Japanese vessel got the better or worse of the deal, I do like to think that they found some value within those pages.

Several days later we were steaming north into the Bering Sea, and I got drunk.......

[riverjetty]

What kind of ikura? What kind of scotch? You left out a few details Wilbur.

[wyosurf]

on my 21st i woke up in the trunk of my car... not sure how i got there. i do know my plan was to go to every bar in town.

[speelyei]

these stories are better told in person while imbibing, so here's a few highlights from my sodden past:

while staying at the Death Valley Natn'l Park, my friends and I treated ourselves to a poached day of swimming in the resorts pool. On the way back to our camp, we cut across the Golf Course, only to discover the Miller Genuine Draft Hackers Night Tournament was in full swing.... with a big keg of Miller at every tee box. For an entire night, I had as much beer as I could possibly drink.... for free. I woke up two days later in Lassen.

Prior to that event, I went on foot into Tijuana wearing a pair of Levis, a t-shirt, and flip-flops, with a $118 in my pocket. I returned, wearing leather pants, ankle high cowboy boots, and no shirt... broke, with no ID. I had four 1/5ths of booze in my pants, including Gusano Rojo, some kind of Almond flavoured Tequila, an Amaretto, and White Tequila. I had to crawl to the desk of the officiating US border guard, who looked at me with palpable disgust. Fortunately my friends were able to get back into the US. Among other hijinks that ensued that night... I ran across all North and South lanes of I-5, threw up in the San Diego Hilton Hotel (we were not guests), evaded security at the Hilton, fell asleep at the door of the parking garage elevator in the Hilton, attempted to speak Spanish to a variety of people (I knew no Spanish words at the time), and climbed over many fences and blacked out for several hours, still ambulatory. After being found by my friends, and loaded into the car, I awoke in Joshua Tree National Park sometime the next day.

While working for MHCC as an assitant guide for a school trip to Alaska, I got a ride to Chilcoot Charlies Tavern in Anchorage. I spent all my money, but won favor with the locals by jamming with the bands that night. Particularly popular were a rendition of Waylon's "Don't think Hank Done it This Way" and Jimi Hendrix's "Red House". This parlayed into a free-booze for Craig night of debauchery that included: arranging to purchase an ice-axe with a patron, being detained with the ice-axe by staff security, climbing the front of the building as high as possible to "stick" the ice-axe in a spot where it would not be stolen, making out with chiks while headbanging, ridiculing the pitcher chugging record and announcing "I can beat that!", receiving a free pitcher to chug, being unable to even chug the whole pitcher, losing favor instantly with the crowd, discovering that my friends had left hours earlier, having the Chilcoots security defend me from police while I climbed the front of the building to retrieve my ice-axe, trying to walk from Chilcoots back to the youth hostel in downtown Anchorage at night with no money and no directions and an ice axe, waking up crying in the middle of the street because I could not stay on the sidewalk (again) and was afraid I would be run over, and being such a putrid display that a cab driver gave me a free ride to the youth hostel. I arrived at the Youth hostel, crawled to my bunk, and got one boot off. I was overcome with nausea and pain (I had never "head-banged") and

[Doc]

Ahhh Gusano Rojo...
During the 84 Olympics in LA...
3 of us drank a 750 ml bottle in one go...
As the starter course for a birthday...
By the end (or middle) of the night...
I was trying to execute hand springs...
I am not a gymnast...
And would be hard pressed to pull off a cartwheel...
Apparently I tried and failed...
To stick the handspring...
On several occassions.
I woke up in the doorway...
Of the house, 1/2 in 1/2 out...
On a city street, it was raining...
I was wet, cold and badly bruised...
Fortunately, there was another bottle of Gusano...
No handsprings that next day...
Although I seem to recall a full strength...
Stomach punching competition.

Doc

[Doc]

Then there was the July 4th incident...
With the LAPD 4 wheeler at the beach...
But I wasn't convicted...
Although my wife is still pissed...
Hey Man...
The cop left the keys in it!

Doc

[Gazsurf]

Then there was the July 4th incident...
With the LAPD 4 wheeler at the beach...
But I wasn't convicted...
Although my wife is still pissed...
Hey Man...
The cop left the keys in it!

doc

The details of that should be blog worthy... with illustration added.

[Moe]

jeez speelyei... they basically made a movie about you, it's called the hangover
Those are some good stories.

[bluesilver]

blogging about that would be a bad idea