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Tonight during our little happy hour at our place my son and the Old man had a great conversation.

Hippy-"Can I drink some of this"?
Beast-"No, that'll put hair on your chest".
Hippy-"And down there?"
Beast-"uh...yeah. There to"
Hippy-"Well maybe when I'm an old man. But for now I only have 'Feach Puzz'."
Beast-"Feach Puz"?

Kids say the damndest things. After my little Hotsy announced the Gramma fart at the market the other day I think we need a place to put the crazy sh!t that comes from the minds of our babes...

Post it.

The other day I was in the kitchen with my oldest son (7). He started going through the fridge, then he worked his way over to the cabinets trying to find the perfect snack.

He was hunched over the bottom cabinet where we usually have power bars (none there this time) and he said,

"Man, we don't have ANY god damn food in this house!"

I lost my shite and had to run out of the kitchen from laughing so hard.

A similar comment from my nephew: After he asked for some chips right before lunch, I told him he had to wait. He said "OK" without argument, quietly walked off, then shouted "God damn it!" and stomped up the stairs.

Another time, I drove up and he was holding my son's Razor scooter in the garage. I asked him what he was doing, and he calmly stated, "I'm trying to ride this fricken scooter".

The crap my kid says only makes you want to slap the taste out of her mouth.
Actually, it's not what she says, but how she says it.
You know that whiny Jan Brady 'Marsha Marsha Marsha' voice?
Yeah...everything she says is like chewing on tinfoil.

Stupid teenagers.

the nephew at 5 YO...

tattling on his sister for saying the "H" word...
his mother replies, "what H word?"
I cant say it, its too bad he says!
mother: go ahead and say it you wont be in trouble!


he yells "F UCK!"

From my 5 yr old yesterday....

Dad, I cant leave the house yet, I have to drop anchor...a realllly long anchor.

My seven year old to my 5 year old....

Dude, your such a freakin a-hole....WOW!

.

My daughter asked me why I was going to work. "To make money," I said. "To buy Playdough?" she asked.

Yes, as a matter of fact that is why I go to work, it's to buy my girl her favorite thing in the world.

my daughter, taking a bath, first announced she was going to wash her butt and then washed her vagina. Then she announced she would wash her "back butt."

My daughter, learning to drive..finally... was backing out of a parking spot and was told to look over her left shoulder and check for traffic, which she did....she turned quickly and a bit too much and smashed her face into the driver's side window....