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Joke Of The Day

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Postby bluesilver » Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:15 pm

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check..

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
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Postby Gazsurf » Wed Jan 27, 2010 10:27 pm

A couple were sitting watching a TV program about psychology that was explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions.”

The guy turns and says, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

"Oh yeah?" she says, “Well, out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick… “
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Postby Wilbur Kookmeyer » Thu Jan 28, 2010 7:11 pm

Kulongoski is going to (permanently) take your "kicker".

Well.....

I think's it's funny...

And it certainly is a joke....
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Postby Gazsurf » Fri Jan 29, 2010 9:26 am

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..'

'How much do you charge?'


'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.


'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'
SCREW THE SHRINKS..
HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!
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Postby SooLoo » Tue Feb 09, 2010 6:24 pm

Sarah Palin

Again
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Postby bluesilver » Wed Feb 10, 2010 9:57 am

The conservatives are running around saying how scared the Liberals are of Palin. Not sure why. I'd love to see her fail at the presidency, too.
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Postby riverjetty » Wed Feb 10, 2010 1:29 pm

SooLoo wrote:Sarah Palin

Again
Haha! That's almost as funny as the Obama one.
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Postby Wilbur Kookmeyer » Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:16 pm

riverjetty wrote:
SooLoo wrote:Sarah Palin

Again
Haha! That's almost as funny as the Obama one.


I think there is a lot funny about Palin...not so much funny about Obama.

Of course I kind of favor Palin....total MILF!
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Postby riverjetty » Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:28 pm

Wilbur Kookmeyer wrote:
riverjetty wrote:
SooLoo wrote:Sarah Palin

Again
Haha! That's almost as funny as the Obama one.


I think there is a lot funny about Palin...not so much funny about Obama.

Of course I kind of favor Palin....total MILF!
Agreed, but Obama is a joke, just not a very funny one.
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Postby erzats » Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:26 pm

Wait, wait, wait. I thought a MILF was mother I'd like to f not mother I'd like to have my country effed over by. Maybe you are into pegging? You thought Bush was bad...
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Postby bluesilver » Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:19 am

Who knows, she might actually do a good job. I'm pretty open to any ideas that will work. I'm not really interested in seing her fail anymore than she already has (as i stated before..), the USA cannot afford anymore of that.
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Postby SooLoo » Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:21 am

Blindly looking for leadership is our new thing. Not funny.
Potential runner writing a cheat sheet on her hand. Very funny.
People who actually listen to her "message" though no one knows what it is or means. Comical.
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Postby pra_ggresion » Thu Feb 11, 2010 3:01 pm

She should run with Cammacho
Potato salad or die!
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Postby Wilbur Kookmeyer » Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:00 pm

Rev. Jessie Jackson
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Postby Gazsurf » Wed Jun 23, 2010 10:32 pm

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
"I disagree with these experts. Someone has got to stand up to experts."

Texas Board of Education member McLeroy rejecting science over creationism.
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