Joke Of The Day

[finger]

A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that the rather hot-looking blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says, "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I think you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "Christ!" he says "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I had sex with on the pool table in front of all my buddies while your girlfriend licked whipped cream off my butt?!"

"Um, no," she replied coldly, "I'm your son's English teacher"

[thurgood jenkins]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[thurgood jenkins]

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

[finger]

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it - he couldn't. The guilt and
sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal,
reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You
aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't
be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But invariably another inner voice would bring him back to reality,
whispering..............

"Dave, you're a veterinarian."

[Gazsurf]

That last one is sick but funny!

[thurgood jenkins]

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

[Gazsurf]

-WOMEN ARE EVIL BY NATURE

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured
alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to
hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?"
she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no,"
he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she
said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can
do?"

"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continued, running
her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple
of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What
should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or
paper towels in the ladies room."

[finger]

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at
the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to
a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to
write a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and
asks,"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your
hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

[thurgood jenkins]

THOSE DIRTY LIL MIDGETS!


George W. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. The driver tried to get out of the way, but he hit him. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. He came out with a beer, a cigar, and a tons of money. Bush saw this and said, "My God, what did you tell them?" The driver replied, "I told them that I'm George W. Bush's driver and I just killed the pig."

[Wilbur Kookmeyer]

I would really like to date a midget. their little hands make...uh...I would really like to date a midget.

[nm]

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree-hugger environmentalist and anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree at the highest point in the tract.

She wanted to get a good view of the natural splendor of her land, so she began climbing the tree.

As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl which attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got quite a few splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and anti-hunter, and how she had come to get all
the splinters.

The doctor listened with great patience, then told her to go to the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

The doctor smiled and said, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down."

[Wilbur Kookmeyer]

Nice one!

BAAHAHAAAHAAAHAAAH!

[thurgood jenkins]

Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. Michael says "Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?" The Doctor says "At least wait till he is walking Michael!!"

[XBlueSilverX]

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

[XBlueSilverX]

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