Joke Of The Day

[Gazsurf]

This not a joke but belongs here anyway, plus we need a little more love on the board, everyone seems a little tense

Pack of Angry Chihuahuas Attack Officer
From Associated Press
December 30, 2005 12:32 PM EST

FREMONT, Calif. - A pack of angry Chihuahuas attacked a police officer who was escorting a teenager home after a traffic stop, authorities said.

The officer suffered minor injuries, including bites to his ankle, Detective Bill Veteran said.

The five Chihuahuas escaped the 17-year-old boy's home and rushed the officer in the doorway Thursday, authorities said. The teenager had been detained after the traffic incident.

The officer was treated at a hospital and returned to work less than two hours later.

[XBlueSilverX]

Saturday morning I got up early, packed my wetsuit, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load the surfboard onto the truck. I proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50mph. I left, but the going was ugly. So I pulled back into the garage, turned on the weather radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out surfing in that mess ".

!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

[Koo Nass]

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have:

Work out Barbie for $19.95

Shopping Barbie for $19.95

Beach Barbie for $19.95

Disco Barbie for $19.95

Divorced Barbie for $265.95

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers, "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car,

Ken's House,

Ken's Boat,

Ken's Furniture,

Ken's Computer and...

One of Ken's Friends."

[Gazsurf]

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my damn money in this damn bank."

"I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

[Fish]

go gazzy!

[Wilbur Kookmeyer]

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEO's of various brewing organizations
retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we
make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a bladdy Fosters, mate."

Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew
the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all, gimme a Bud."

Hans, CEO of Lowenbrau, steps up next: "In Germany ve invented das beer, ferdamt. Give me ein Lowenbrau, das ist der real King of beers, danke."

Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: "Barman, would ya give me a diet coke with ice and lemon. Thanks."

The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Bruce asks: "Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?"

Paddy replies "Well, if you fookin' pansies aren't drinkin', then
neither am I!"

[Gazsurf]

that's funny!

[lappis89]

ha, thats a good one wilbur

[Gazsurf]

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He goes back to his room and grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He's halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun >> > suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap." Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap. The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, nothing happens, twice and three times still nothing.. She tries several more tugs, then yells... "Holy Mary, Mother of God, hand lotion too!

[The Landlord]

Jack Steele!

[thurgood jenkins]

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TwinFinAnnie]

OH MAN!! It just keeps getting better! you guys are just giving it to jack with both barrells!! Im sure hes just staggering from the blows....


f'in lame as hell.

[redliner]

would you like it from both barrells?


F'in thanks!

[XBlueSilverX]

awww annie do you have to be drinking heavily and comatose to be a delight?

[Fish]

would you like it from both barrells?


F'in thanks!

Hey, don't sweet talk my Netarts woman that way! that's reserved for the trailer.

Oh, the trailer...........I'm missing the trailer action. Smoke filled trailer with XMas Lights..........beer...............Cable TV and Top Ramen!

I think I'll put off working on my car this weekend